He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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