No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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