I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
