mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Someone shattered a urinal.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
