If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
