my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
