if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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