When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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