what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
