he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
