hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
