No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
