I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
