I don't usually arrange sex via text message
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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