operation harelip BJ is a go
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
