Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
