I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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