It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
