I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
