Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
