Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
