the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
