i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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