Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
