So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
