Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
