his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
