he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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