Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
