People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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