Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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