what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
