Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
