can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
