Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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