new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
pray to the hookup gods
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
