Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
a search helicopter?!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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