1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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