The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
