he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
