just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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