I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
