i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
