is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
