i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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