I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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