I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
