no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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