Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They have beer where we have blood.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
