At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
