just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
