I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
