I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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