All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
