I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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