hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
