Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
