Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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